Here’s how the convo went down between me and the lovely Helena:
Helena: Would you be interested in hosting the end of my six-part love story?
Me: Of course! GIVE ME THE SEX SCENE That will be lovely to have you GIVE ME THE SEX SCENE on my blog. I just caught up on parts 1 – 4 and can’t wait for part 5 GIVE ME THE SEX SCENE.
Helena: Awesome! I feel like your blog would be great for the hot steamy writhing sex finale.
Me: Ooooh, finale. I like that word. It’s sort of like climax. I get to the climax. Yum.
And that’s how Part 6 ended up here. I hope you enjoyed that glimpse of my professionalism. If you haven’t been following the story, please don’t skip the foreplay beginning. This is a luxurious six-course meal, after all. Allow me to wet your appetite:
Appetizer: Lizzi “Hunting and Gathering in the Modern Age, or, The Quest for Red Grapefruit Juice”
Salad: Gretchen “Bad Behavior”
Meat: Samara “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want”
Vegetables: Mandi “One Night in Bangkok, Or, Quite Possibly My Last First Date”
Cappuccino: Hayley “I Put a Spell on You, or, Quite Possibly the Last First Kiss” And, finally, your dessert. Enjoy.
I admit it, I fall hard for witty, smart, talented writers. Add approachable and adorable and, well, my admiration borders on creepystalker vehement devotion. last year, I crossed paths with one such writer and I’m still reeling. In the same fashion that one brings home a boy/girlfriend to meet their parental units, I bring Katie Cross to Sisterwives Speak to meet you. Prepare yourself for a monstrous crush.
To read Katie’s light, adorable story about how one’s self-image can be totally skewed, hit THIS.
Are you still here? Click the f#cking link already. Geez.
For all of the amazing peeps who cheered for me and wished me good luck, THANK YOU. I did actually get my rewrites finished in time for the contest. *throws confetti* Two days prior to the deadline, I read the “submission guidelines” and learned that they wanted a query first.
As many of you are aware, queries are basically a summary of your entire novel in just a couple hundred words, and are rampant with strict rules and expectations making them horrifying and extremely difficult. For instance, when researching them I read this: “You should spend as much time on your query as you did on your novel. It’s that important.”
So I bet you thought I was dead, or had been taken by sweaty cowboys for ransom, or maybe ran off with a dirty, tattooed musician….
I’m happy, safe, and well. I’m sure you all were just worried sick.
The good news is I’m writing! Or editing. Or both, rather. Working on that novel like a MOFO. I needs to get ‘er done, you know what I’m saying? And now I have to, because I’m trying to enter a YA manuscript contenst by Oct. 1st. *nervous laughter*
I’ve been back from Wyoming for over a week and have yet to write. I guess I needed more of a vacation than I thought. This past ten days I’ve spent a lot of time wading in the pools of other creative venues, like watching shark week painting and reading. But the itch to write……it’s back.
**Shark Week is the only time during the year I get to use the phrase chum slick and it’s relevant. In fact, it’s become the answer to everything, similar to the ole that’s-what-she-said-last-night. I kind of can’t stop.
What am I supposed to be doing? Packing. What am I actually doing? You’re lookin’ at it. I can’t help it! I have so much shit to tell you again, and I can’t possibly leave the state before writing this post! Let’s begin, shall we? *clears throat*
I feel very restricted by the internet today. What I really want to do is jump out from behind a door and yell, “HEY! I HAVE ALL KINDS OF SHIT TO TELL YOU!” I’d have a giant creepy grin on my face and it would scare you so bad you’d pee a little, and we’d laugh….and laugh….